The job hunt is enabling me to reconnect with people i knew ages back professionally. I am really struck by the way people evaluate each other .. How much money is he/she earning ? is he/she in a position wherein he can help me / be of use to me in the future ?
Its interesting to see how career oriented and ruthlessly competitive the entire system is. Opportunism clothed in principle and hoary objectives is always the key.
Another important thing is networking ... If you want to succeed in your career , you MUST network effectively. The best jobs never get advertised and the key to learning about them is to to have a pig's ability to ferret out truffles.
One interesting meeting was with an ex-colleague who thanks to her manipulative abilities , family connections and icy focus on her career goals is doing , in her "own words- so much more better than me!" . This lady was romantically interested in me when we were colleagues , but being gay i obviously wasnt interested. Since i couldnt tell her that i was gay and hence not interested , I fobbed her off with excuses. She still bears a grudge against me it seemed . She took great joy in informing me that she had got married two months back and was expecting a reaction from me. I had nothing to say except offer warm congratulations which only seemed to irritate her ..
Ah the crosses one has to bear when one is not free to be true to one's self --- Wish i was in a city like London , free to be what i really am. But then , if wishes were horses beggars would ride :-). So one stays in India, the facades remain and the storyline continues.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
Movies seen
I saw the following movies recently :
My Name is Khan
Three Idiots
Avatar
They were better than the usual lot but not extraordinary.
I saw the British BBC soap Eastenders on the internet recently , particularly interesting was their gay plot involving a muslim and englishman respectively. Somehow the plot seemed to confirm to the typical traditional stereotypes a bit. But the story is good and the actors are good to look at , ( Just their faces and nothing else i Promise :-) )
My Name is Khan
Three Idiots
Avatar
They were better than the usual lot but not extraordinary.
I saw the British BBC soap Eastenders on the internet recently , particularly interesting was their gay plot involving a muslim and englishman respectively. Somehow the plot seemed to confirm to the typical traditional stereotypes a bit. But the story is good and the actors are good to look at , ( Just their faces and nothing else i Promise :-) )
Friday, February 12, 2010
had an interview the other day .... the lady who interviewed me was very nice BUT i was so damn tired since i had been working late the previous night that i am afraid i have messed it up.. this when my present job is really unbearable ...
when the hell am i going to be happy in life ?
ok , lets change the topic -- i saw some television programs recently. I rarely watch TV since i get my news from the internet , but news channels can be interesting at times.
One topic which indian channels seem to love is comparing India and China. In my opinion , this is a rather cliched topic. These are two very different countries which are dissimilar in almost every way. Similarities might be their huge population and the "developing" status which these two countries supposedly share.
I havent visited China but i do have a chinese friend who works in my employer's chinese offices. Interacting with her has taught me a lot about china that someone who just knows about china from media reports wouldnt be aware of .
From her description , China comes across as a diverse country ( 56 nationalities!) but it also has a dominant mainstream culture.The Chinese history is that of centralised rule by empires and emperors. Just one Empress in 5000 years of Chinese history!Neighbours were usually considered barbarians and absorbed into the empire via war , trade and cultural influences. The nation has been conquered by foreign "barbarians" several times in its history but no invasion has been able to change its fundamental character and sense of mission. Strong central rule , and absorption of neighbouring countries has led to China growing bigger and bigger under each empire. The march of China has only been stopped by natural barriers like the sea or by determined opponents who have fought chinese armies to a standstill.Today China borders India over a vast and undemarcated border. It is a recipe for trouble but that depends on the way it is handled.
In my opinion , India can hold its own vis-a-vis China only if it develops its economic strength and achieves political cohesiveness.To maintain peace and co-operation a balance of power is necessary. China is poised to keep growing due to its policies and resources and India better keep up if it wants to be of any consequence in Chinese eyes.
when the hell am i going to be happy in life ?
ok , lets change the topic -- i saw some television programs recently. I rarely watch TV since i get my news from the internet , but news channels can be interesting at times.
One topic which indian channels seem to love is comparing India and China. In my opinion , this is a rather cliched topic. These are two very different countries which are dissimilar in almost every way. Similarities might be their huge population and the "developing" status which these two countries supposedly share.
I havent visited China but i do have a chinese friend who works in my employer's chinese offices. Interacting with her has taught me a lot about china that someone who just knows about china from media reports wouldnt be aware of .
From her description , China comes across as a diverse country ( 56 nationalities!) but it also has a dominant mainstream culture.The Chinese history is that of centralised rule by empires and emperors. Just one Empress in 5000 years of Chinese history!Neighbours were usually considered barbarians and absorbed into the empire via war , trade and cultural influences. The nation has been conquered by foreign "barbarians" several times in its history but no invasion has been able to change its fundamental character and sense of mission. Strong central rule , and absorption of neighbouring countries has led to China growing bigger and bigger under each empire. The march of China has only been stopped by natural barriers like the sea or by determined opponents who have fought chinese armies to a standstill.Today China borders India over a vast and undemarcated border. It is a recipe for trouble but that depends on the way it is handled.
In my opinion , India can hold its own vis-a-vis China only if it develops its economic strength and achieves political cohesiveness.To maintain peace and co-operation a balance of power is necessary. China is poised to keep growing due to its policies and resources and India better keep up if it wants to be of any consequence in Chinese eyes.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
My job hunt continues .....
My company is planning to retrench people , and lazy that i am I have just updated my CV....
Sigh....
AM regretting right now . regretting about not sending it to my late uncle (God Bless his soul) who kept telling me to send him my CV. By the time i could manage to send it , newspapers informed us of his sad demise.
It was sad....
Now i have to find another job , and find it fast. The current job is unbearable anyway whichever way i see it .I need to exhale.As far the daily commute is concerned ... am sick of Delhi's traffic jams , its insane driving habits , ill mannered people on the road who scream profanities at the drop of a hat .
Ah well , Maybe God will listen to my prayers and give me a new day to see ..... A new dawn , just like the face of a newly born child somehow makes all the struggle and the silent tears worth it ..
The most beautiful thing in life is hope and i hope it seems me through to the logical end :-)
Sigh....
AM regretting right now . regretting about not sending it to my late uncle (God Bless his soul) who kept telling me to send him my CV. By the time i could manage to send it , newspapers informed us of his sad demise.
It was sad....
Now i have to find another job , and find it fast. The current job is unbearable anyway whichever way i see it .I need to exhale.As far the daily commute is concerned ... am sick of Delhi's traffic jams , its insane driving habits , ill mannered people on the road who scream profanities at the drop of a hat .
Ah well , Maybe God will listen to my prayers and give me a new day to see ..... A new dawn , just like the face of a newly born child somehow makes all the struggle and the silent tears worth it ..
The most beautiful thing in life is hope and i hope it seems me through to the logical end :-)
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Update on my Life & Happy 2010!
Rediffblogs format keeps changing and from now on i will be posting at this new address :http://jalajvaivaswat.blogspot.com
I wish all of you a very happy new year , a great 2010 and lots of happiness . I hope this world sees peace and progress in this coming year . news from my end : i am hunting for a new job , the present one having become a nightmare. I have a manager who while he makes life miserable for me , never hesitates asking me about why i am not married yet!its very irritating .
SO i would urge all of you to wish me luck in my search for a less unpleasant job.
Other News : I havent been posting regularly because there have been a few deaths in the family. People are becoming conscious of their own mortality and dynamics are in a state of flux...
My parents have been unwell and that has placed severe demands on my time . I have been very lonely too in the intervening period
thats me signing off for now
Jalaj
I wish all of you a very happy new year , a great 2010 and lots of happiness . I hope this world sees peace and progress in this coming year . news from my end : i am hunting for a new job , the present one having become a nightmare. I have a manager who while he makes life miserable for me , never hesitates asking me about why i am not married yet!its very irritating .
SO i would urge all of you to wish me luck in my search for a less unpleasant job.
Other News : I havent been posting regularly because there have been a few deaths in the family. People are becoming conscious of their own mortality and dynamics are in a state of flux...
My parents have been unwell and that has placed severe demands on my time . I have been very lonely too in the intervening period
thats me signing off for now
Jalaj
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Indian Elections – 2009
Today it was election day in New Delhi. I wasn’t well and didn’t go and vote.I was wondering about Indian democracy and what it had brought the Indian people. Sixty years after independence from the British we still have so many problems to deal with. There have been great achievements , but pride in them is tinged with the bitter realization of the many horrors still rampant in this country.For the last twenty years we have been having coalitions of different varieties in Delhi. This is because the Indian electorate is not homogenous and is divided on the basis of language , religion , caste and vested interests. Consequently it is not clear whether this election will throw up . I expect a coalition under which things will carry on as before . The absence of the communist parties will act as a spur to much needed economic reform. Their presence will result in a continuation of economically ruinous policies.India’s fiscal deficit is mounting .Poverty and inequity continue to asphyxiate the people while the politicians fool them on the basis of religion and caste. Religion and caste are real problems. Outward tolerance does not mean that people accept religious differences. In many parts of the country hindu-muslim relations remain poignantly fraught. In addition , conflicts between Christian missionaries and hindu right wing activists for souls in the tribal areas mean more trouble lies ahead . Internationally the rise of the Taliban in neighbouring Pakistan means that the security challenges will increase . It is sad that while the overweening objective should be the deliverance of the poor from need and want , the Indian taxpayer will infact be financing an ever increasing security apparatus with its paraphernalia of missile , nuclear and non conventional weapon programs.Enemies within and adversaries without beset the Indian state.As a gay person , I have no hope that any Indian government will in the near or medium term future decriminalize homosexuality in India. For all the outward façade of modernity India is and will remain a deeply conservative society plumbing the zenith of hypocrisy when it comes to conduct in the matter of sexuality.As these elections are poised to end , I wonder if any of the Prime Ministerial candidates , that is the BJP’s L K Advani and his rival Manmohan Singh have the capacity or the wherewithal to being real change. The system is such that change is difficult . Democracy for its many odious failings in the Indian context , has kept the country together by giving people the illusion that they have a voice . Yet the reality is that rights and the ability to enjoy them are the preserve of the elite . In a few days , we will know the complexion of India’s political firmament. As an Indian who inspite all its failings, loves his country I hope that we get the leadership and vision which can steer the ship of state through the choppy seas ahead.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Questions and Answers
One of the readers of this blog sent me an email asking a few questions . I thought that the answers to these questions would be of general interest. Here they are :-
(Note :- Some of these questions have complex answers , and thus brevity might render the answer incomplete . But these answers are brief due to time constraints.. I can further elucidate if readers find them of interest .)
Q.What I really wanted to get a handle on was how the indian gay scene has developed over the last, say, five years and what role has the internet played?
Ans.
Over the last five years its become easier to access gay networks via the internet. The internet makes anonymity and access to sex easier. But I don’t think it leads to any change in mindset. What we now have is a high technology closet.
There are nightclubs which have gay events, the authorities are persuaded to look the other way. Means of persuasion might include financial incentives to the enforcing authority.
A lot of people now know what homosexuality , in terms of sexual attraction to other men is. This again , does not mean that people are tolerant or accepting of it.
The media , restricted to English channels only and the print media ( again English) do highlight homosexuality from time to time.The vernacular channels usually adopt in unison, thunderous silence on all such sensitive issues.
Question
I know that 377 makes gay sex illegal. How is it enforced? Is it enforced?
Ans.
Sec 377 is like a Damocles sword over the heads of the homosexual populace.It is enforced from time to time but not on a systematic nationwide basis at one single time.
It’s a very useful tool to extort bribes from gays, especially those who fall into the custody of the law and are found to be homosexuals. Unless Section 377 goes,one cannot even begin an improvement vis-à-vis today’s realities
Question
How constrained do you feel in your everyday life?
Ans.
I feel constrained in every department of life as I am gay
Question
Do you think things have changed dramatically recently?
Ans.
No, it unfortunately hasn’t
Question
For instance there have been gay pride marches now in 5 (?) cities.
Ans.
Yes there were , and many people attended them masked Doesn’t that say it all ?
Question
How public can you be? What was the reaction of yor parents and what is the reaction of your friends parents when they come out to them?
Ans.
Most gays ( I would say 95 % ) are not public about being gays .
My parents don’t know I am gay. My friends , well in some cases their parents do know about their being homosexuals. Most parents are not exactly overjoyed. Reasons are many and varied but culture , religion and not being “normal” are the most common reasons.
Most gays I know are not out to their parents or other family members
Question
What role does religion and culture play?
Ans.
This is very complicated . In a nutshell , the role played by both is very negative
Question
What is the position of 'third sex' / transsexuals in the dominant culture and in gay culture?
Ans.
Social outcastes , who are tolerated on the fringes of a brutal society.its a terrible life –with many working as prostitutes .
In the gay culture , they are avoided by most “straight acting” gays who wouldn’t like to be caught dead in their company.
One of the choice hindi expletives used for gays is the word used in Hindi for is the synonym of the Hindi word for the “third sex” .. Is any further comment necessary?
Question
I read that the guy who represented India in The Mr International Gay sought asylum in USA. Does that tell us something about how difficult life is for gay people in India now?
Ans.
It is excruciatingly difficult of course …….
I have no idea about the reasons for the guy representing India seeking asylum in the USA
(Note :- Some of these questions have complex answers , and thus brevity might render the answer incomplete . But these answers are brief due to time constraints.. I can further elucidate if readers find them of interest .)
Q.What I really wanted to get a handle on was how the indian gay scene has developed over the last, say, five years and what role has the internet played?
Ans.
Over the last five years its become easier to access gay networks via the internet. The internet makes anonymity and access to sex easier. But I don’t think it leads to any change in mindset. What we now have is a high technology closet.
There are nightclubs which have gay events, the authorities are persuaded to look the other way. Means of persuasion might include financial incentives to the enforcing authority.
A lot of people now know what homosexuality , in terms of sexual attraction to other men is. This again , does not mean that people are tolerant or accepting of it.
The media , restricted to English channels only and the print media ( again English) do highlight homosexuality from time to time.The vernacular channels usually adopt in unison, thunderous silence on all such sensitive issues.
Question
I know that 377 makes gay sex illegal. How is it enforced? Is it enforced?
Ans.
Sec 377 is like a Damocles sword over the heads of the homosexual populace.It is enforced from time to time but not on a systematic nationwide basis at one single time.
It’s a very useful tool to extort bribes from gays, especially those who fall into the custody of the law and are found to be homosexuals. Unless Section 377 goes,one cannot even begin an improvement vis-à-vis today’s realities
Question
How constrained do you feel in your everyday life?
Ans.
I feel constrained in every department of life as I am gay
Question
Do you think things have changed dramatically recently?
Ans.
No, it unfortunately hasn’t
Question
For instance there have been gay pride marches now in 5 (?) cities.
Ans.
Yes there were , and many people attended them masked Doesn’t that say it all ?
Question
How public can you be? What was the reaction of yor parents and what is the reaction of your friends parents when they come out to them?
Ans.
Most gays ( I would say 95 % ) are not public about being gays .
My parents don’t know I am gay. My friends , well in some cases their parents do know about their being homosexuals. Most parents are not exactly overjoyed. Reasons are many and varied but culture , religion and not being “normal” are the most common reasons.
Most gays I know are not out to their parents or other family members
Question
What role does religion and culture play?
Ans.
This is very complicated . In a nutshell , the role played by both is very negative
Question
What is the position of 'third sex' / transsexuals in the dominant culture and in gay culture?
Ans.
Social outcastes , who are tolerated on the fringes of a brutal society.its a terrible life –with many working as prostitutes .
In the gay culture , they are avoided by most “straight acting” gays who wouldn’t like to be caught dead in their company.
One of the choice hindi expletives used for gays is the word used in Hindi for is the synonym of the Hindi word for the “third sex” .. Is any further comment necessary?
Question
I read that the guy who represented India in The Mr International Gay sought asylum in USA. Does that tell us something about how difficult life is for gay people in India now?
Ans.
It is excruciatingly difficult of course …….
I have no idea about the reasons for the guy representing India seeking asylum in the USA
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