Rediffblogs format keeps changing and from now on i will be posting at this new address :http://jalajvaivaswat.blogspot.com
I wish all of you a very happy new year , a great 2010 and lots of happiness . I hope this world sees peace and progress in this coming year . news from my end : i am hunting for a new job , the present one having become a nightmare. I have a manager who while he makes life miserable for me , never hesitates asking me about why i am not married yet!its very irritating .
SO i would urge all of you to wish me luck in my search for a less unpleasant job.
Other News : I havent been posting regularly because there have been a few deaths in the family. People are becoming conscious of their own mortality and dynamics are in a state of flux...
My parents have been unwell and that has placed severe demands on my time . I have been very lonely too in the intervening period
thats me signing off for now
Jalaj
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4 comments:
part 1/2
Hey, Jalaj
I am filled to the brim with just one emotion right now, and that is GRATITUDE.
Thank you. A big, heart felt n soul liberating thank you. U woudnt know to what extent has ur writing helped me in being peaceful with myself. I am a 21 yr old, middle class GAY guy from a small north Indian city. This word GAY which i have written in the last line, i woudnt have had the guts to do so ever if it wasnt for u. I have been living a throughly closeted life, a lonely, painfully guilt ridden life since my teenage. I have gone through the same phases of denial, disgust n despair which every indian gay has to go through in his growing years. Though the outer worldly activites were going on fine, i studied well, scored good marks, was involved in extra curricular activites, got through entrance test n now am studying to be member of a noble profession, but in all this my real painful truth was hidden deep down inside which only i had to face every waking moment n there was no one i could say a single word because the world i inhabit, these things have no existance. I felt not just guilty of having sickening desires but i felt as an inferior human being just like a trash with zilch self esteem. Endlessly I cried to almighty, tried every possible trick to convert me to a normal male. But it never happened, this self conflict took its toll n made me into a bipolar personality, of which one was of very confident, bubbly, laughing guy while the other being a extremely underconfident, agoraphobic n one with escaping tendencies.
I never knew about ur blog or any other gay blogs until these winter vacations, when suddenly i felt the urge to search for any other my type of people. Then i found ur blog. In the run up to new yr, i spent 4 nights consecutively reading ur blog right from day one in 2004 to the last one of dec 09.
It was a experience which cannot be expressed in words. With every turn of ur life u mentioned in blog, i laughed , felt sad and felt varied emotions throughout the read. It was all in front of me like a novel n i practically devoured it. Reading along i started feeling so connected that i felt that now i have the right to know the complete story and I even hated u at somepoint where u skillfully concealed the love n lust matters regarding u n ur friends.
U write very beautifully.The words, expressions n phrases u use are not only good to read n relate but they actually quench the thirst of a literature reader. Hats off to ur courage, confidence, language n just everything.
I never had any gay friends but reading about u made me feel that there are real people like me out there n i now aspire for the first time in my life to reach out to them.
part 2/2
Whenever i read about something or someone i form a mental picture of that person or thing. I think u are close enough to me that i share what picture i made of u.
It is a dark room, somewhere on 5th or 6th floor of a posh colony. some orangish street light is seeping through the curtains n creating a hazy glow in room. U are wearing a blue jeans and white undershirt and inclined on bed with ur back resting on the head of the bed deeply lost in thought, when suddenly ur cell starts ringing n vibrating n flashing lights in low tone...LUT GAYE HAI RE.. u look at it slowly, do nothing n then again go back to state u were in and cell continues to ring.
I know its very funny n childish but i had to share this with u because u shared so much of ur life with me n therefore u had the moral right to know this.
I had never heard this song before LUT GAYE but now it is the most listened song of my ipod, as it reminds me of how liberating these holidays have been. Thanks again and plz accept my humble apologies for boring u with this long n weary mail.
As now the novel of ur life has ended, i will be waiting eagerly everyday for the new additions. plz try to be more frequent with blogging.
And my hearty wishes for the coming year. HAPPY NEW YEAR. may this yr bring u happiness in ways which u have not antcipated n takes away ur worries in way not imagined.
Would love be remain in touch with u n become ur friend.
xoxo, staggering maverick.
Hi :-)
Thanks for your detailed comments ! I am glad you liked reading my blog.
You will have to wait to know me better because I am busy job hunting these days . Once things are settled , we can explore if and how we could get to know each other better.
Best Regards
Jalaj
Sure. Whenever u become free, drop in a line at staggeringmaverick@gmail.com
best of luck with job hunting.
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