“ Age makes such a difference to the way a man looks” Says Akshat . “ What is new in that ?? It Does , but why do you bring this up suddenly ? “ I ask.
“Jalaj , you .. you are so suspicious about everything !”
“ Well with you I never know !” I pause and catch his shoulder and turn him around deftly till his eyes lock into mine …
“ So , Darling .. Who was he ? “
“ you are such a B***h … ok .. remember the guy I slept with ages back .. the Bengali Advertising executive “
“Yes the one who wrote the statement of purpose and wetted your applications for the foreign universities you had applied too ? Is he still alive , even then he was positively ancient !!! “
“ Shut up ! He was cute then !!! “doable” Now he looks like Grandfather Time .. “
“So aren’t you going to do the honours with him again ? He was the love of your life at one point of time … “
“ Says who ? he is a page in the history books .. and Jalaj you know Akshat. Akshat never looks back at the past . The guy wanted young flesh to squeeze , I wanted to get my work done … it was a trade - off . Of course one has to exhibit some delicacy in the entire affair . Package it as “love” . Though I know your views in this regard . “
“Forget it , Akshat .. the morality or otherwise of your actions is not for me to judge . So please don’t trouble yourself or genuflect to my sense of the correct. You don’t need to “
“I love the fact that you are so non-judgmental”
“ Akshat , I don’t judge anyone simply because I don’t assume that I am morally superior to anyone else . I do observe things though, but they are just that .. observations and not judgments !!!”
“Hmmm”
Akshat doesn’t know that I blog !
“ So jalaj , tell me whats happening in your life ?”
“ My life ? Well my formal education is slated to come to a close … for now in the next few months . Its time to re join the workforce again . “
“Oh Great , where are you headed ?”
“ I don’t know … will know in two months time .. . But my mother already has plans .”
“Plans .. what kind of plans .. ? “
“ She wants me to get married next year “
“ What … to a woman .. well obviously to a woman ! I was expecting this to come .. sooner or later . Well the day of reckoning has come ! It had to .. sooner rather than later What are you planning to do ? “
Well .. What am I planning to do ? A Good Question . After my last effort at a relationship ended in smithereens this very month one year back .. I was in a state of shock . The person who did that to me , knew that I blogged . I was in pain and I didn’t want to show him or anyone else that I was in pain. Its better to suffer in silence rather than let those who laugh at your suffering derive pleasure from your agony. I reduced my blogging frequency to a bare minimum . It helped that I was busy , that the amount of work which studies imposed on me deadened my mind and let me inure myself to the pain. Over the last few months a few things have changed . I want to blog again .
As for my mother and her demands , I have told her my career comes first for me now . The rest is all a matter of detail . I cannot tell her more since there exist red lines between us when it comes to discussing certain aspects of my life .Its Sunset as I finish writing this post. I stand in the balcony observing the amaranth tinted winter sky turn vermillion as the shadows lengthen. Yet as I draw the curtains I sense some fissures of amaranth continue to streak the sky Fissures which have turned into a crevasse that stretches far unto the horizon.
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