back to this Blog ( I hope this time for good)

am back in india after travelling abroad ...

I havent blogged for more than an year now as i was depressed with life ---- and where it was taking me . But i have come out of it ( thank travelling for that :-) )

Indian independence day is now over -- and we have an anti corruption agitation on.. .

I have just two things to say on this :-

A)Corruption is a social problem in India , the people themselves condone it - so blaming those in charge of governance will not do
B)No Government in India -- whatever the political party in power will willingly take action against corruption . You cut the tree you are sitting on ---- so unless the system itself is changed you are stuck with this problem

More on India and my life later ...

Jalaj

PS:-with a smartphone in hand , probably i can now start blogging while i am travelling :-)

Life's Turning Points

I apologise to readers for having neglected this blog . The past few months saw me travelling abroad ( for the first time in my life outside South Asia) ... It was divine walking down the streets of a cold , windswept European town. Suddenly , India seemed far away --- and suddenly it was as if it existed in another world..

Seeing gay people free to live their lives the way they wanted to without having to hide anything about their sexual identities was a pleasant shock. I knew about it and had heard about it .... but to see it with one's own eyes is a different experience.

This is not to say that the world in Europe is perfect . There are of course a lot of glitches , but its still incomparably more liberal than it is in India.
One regretted as to why it wasnt possible in India to be so , but then India comes from a different cultural , religious and historical tradition. Almost everything in India is different from how it is in Europe.

Back home in India , when i returned i saw that my father's health is declining.
I have had an atrocious relationship with my father ... We both gave each other a lot of pain .. and just to spite each other.

I still think he was wrong and stupid in so many ways. But now I feel sorry for him , I feel bad for him.

His health is bad and declining , I think he wont live long .. ( I hope i am wrong)

I remember him when i was a kid . He was for the most time , bitter sarcastic and cynical . Yet at others he was child like and very enthusiastic....

He would tell stories of his parents in their house in Calcutta , of their wealth and splendour .. of Burma and its teak forests and rubies .... of the family memories of Asia's richest country.

As a kid , i would not understand ... for me the the miserable heat of the north indian summer was a more pressing reality. Now as an adult , i can better understand how difficult it is for an adult in economically straitened circumstances to face the situation when you grew up in the lap of luxury.

But then , i did not understand......

As memory goes back , I remember South Delhi of the late 80's and the early 90's. My father racing to listen to the cricket news.

Today that enthusiastic man is gone and there is a broken , older man at death's door.

I cannot forgive him , but i feel sorry.. Both for him and myself .

Did it all have to end this way? It could have been so different.

Since i dont have any siblings , These are thoughts i just have to keep to myself.

I just hope things are different from now on .. One has to make them different , by whatever means necessary

A Different Summer

Delhi's infrastructure is really in a bad shape--- with the COmmonwealth Games on the anvil --- any improvement in the facilities in the city can only be evaluated once the games are over.

The city's growth is converting vast portions of it into a gigantic slum. This is the sign of looming urban disaster.
Indian cities are due to become megalopolises due to the country's population explosion. However unless these cities are planned carefully --- the quality of life for the ordinary residents keeps plunging new depths in mediocrity.

Tweets from me

I am planning to join twitter --- sounds like an effective way to stay in touch!

Womens' Rights And Gay Rights

Its my strong feeling that only societies which accord rights to women can accord rights to their gay citizens as well .

Patriarchy has always treated the woman and her body as the property of masculinity. Only when women are themselves accorded rights can male homosexuals be liberated from the straitjacket that a patriarchical society imposes upon them in terms of behaviour which is acceptable and unacceptable.

As far as India is concerned , a country which lives in several states of mind can experience only fitful progress. Change in the Indian context is a glacial process , which demands patience and the ability to deal with constraints and yet not be held hostage by them

I am making my peace with India as a society i live in now .. Its been incredibly hard for me to do so ... but its essential for me to be at peace within. Only when a person is at peace within can he face the challenges external to his being.

The Long Weekend

The job hunt is enabling me to reconnect with people i knew ages back professionally. I am really struck by the way people evaluate each other .. How much money is he/she earning ? is he/she in a position wherein he can help me / be of use to me in the future ?

Its interesting to see how career oriented and ruthlessly competitive the entire system is. Opportunism clothed in principle and hoary objectives is always the key.

Another important thing is networking ... If you want to succeed in your career , you MUST network effectively. The best jobs never get advertised and the key to learning about them is to to have a pig's ability to ferret out truffles.

One interesting meeting was with an ex-colleague who thanks to her manipulative abilities , family connections and icy focus on her career goals is doing , in her "own words- so much more better than me!" . This lady was romantically interested in me when we were colleagues , but being gay i obviously wasnt interested. Since i couldnt tell her that i was gay and hence not interested , I fobbed her off with excuses. She still bears a grudge against me it seemed . She took great joy in informing me that she had got married two months back and was expecting a reaction from me. I had nothing to say except offer warm congratulations which only seemed to irritate her ..

Ah the crosses one has to bear when one is not free to be true to one's self --- Wish i was in a city like London , free to be what i really am. But then , if wishes were horses beggars would ride :-). So one stays in India, the facades remain and the storyline continues.

Movies seen

I saw the following movies recently :

My Name is Khan
Three Idiots
Avatar

They were better than the usual lot but not extraordinary.

I saw the British BBC soap Eastenders on the internet recently , particularly interesting was their gay plot involving a muslim and englishman respectively. Somehow the plot seemed to confirm to the typical traditional stereotypes a bit. But the story is good and the actors are good to look at , ( Just their faces and nothing else i Promise :-) )